Having faith still...

Do you believe in dreams? I often wonder whether dreams are just a figment of your imagination or maybe premonition of the future. Sometimes i dreamt about something so good that i wanted it to come true. But there are times where i wished it would never happen.

I get a emotional rollercoaster ride after waking up from each dream. At times i will feel elated, happy, lighthearted. There are times i woke up feeling exhausted, tired, sad, grieve and many more unpleasant emotions.

Last Thursday i had a very sweet dream which in reality i guess would never happened. But yeah... there is a lil corner in my heart hoping it would come true.

I dreamt my bear-y guy asked me out on a date. Afterwhich we were at a restaurant with Fairuz and her bf.

It was brief like that.

But it was so pleasant, that kept me smiling for a few days already.

I wanted it to come true. But the i realize its just a dream. And dream never comes true... Haizzzz. Mimpi hanya permainan tidur...

Finally i feel like blogging about something that is more substantial. Just for the updates, i feel that lately i have been so preoccupied with school that it left me with very little time for my family and love ones.

However i am glad to say, through the miseries (assignments, test & exams) i found comfort in friendship. I must say that this semester has indeed brought us closer. I love the studying cum lepak session @ Nurul’s place. The makan-makan everytime we stayed out late to study. And the laughters it brought.

So what makes me want to write this entry was because i found a new friend. Someone who i never thought possible of being good friends with him. Read my words properly...GOOD FRIEND. Nothing more than that.

I use to have this impression that he was a bad boy, a player, a stuck up guy as well as a decriminator against fat people like me. He could be quite irritating and annoying at times. The rumours about him didnt help either. I was worried that i could not get along well with him. But he proved me otherwise.

He was indeed helpful in terms of sharing his knowledge. Me and my girls are quite thankful that he is not selfish with the knowledge he shared. He was not as bad as i thought.

Then it all came to me. That in life we may come across people who we may not have a positive impression on. But they are the ones that makes us take a retrospective look into our life and learn about different individuals. We humans tend to judge, descriminate and hate based on hear say. I am ashamed to realize that i was a part of it. Though i left my comments to myself, i still feel a tinge of guilt because i have not use a correct frame of mind to be unbiased towards him.

So now i have come to realize that appreciating friendship is much better than casting doubts to that person’s attitude or personality. Thank you for the guidance in getting knowledge. Your friendshipp is much appreciated Pakcik!

Speaking about friendship, i just realized how much i miss my berries and my kakaks. I havent had time to meet up with them because school has been too time consuming.

Talking about this, i was asked by my lovely friend to attend a wedding with him and another guy friend of ours. Apparently that friend of ours was someone i was very very very very close to but no longer now. Now come to think of it, i rather not. Cause i dun want his psychotic gf to come and disturb me.

So the summary for today is that, friendship comes in different forms. As long the party involve are sincere in building that friendship everything will fall into place.

To my berries, i just wanna say i miss you guys so much. We will meet up soon once im done with school.

To my kakaks, yeah the seafood dinner kan... he he shall happen soon too k. And i find that Irma’s new persian kitty is so adorable...like me...ehem ehem..

To dearest bestie, sorry wah banyak bussy lor with exams... shall meet up soon... almaklumlah ur engagement pics belum ku serah padamu.....lol

To my lovely ladies that struggle with me thru this semester, thank you for your encouragement and care during these tiring time.

To my GESL bitches, yes darlings ...we neet to meet up ASAP!!! Go makan and go bitch ( may Allah forgive me) lol. And yes holiday plans darla?

To Pakcik, thanks for helping me with sastera and linguistiks. I hope you and your darling gf will pull thru watever obstacles that come by. And yes i apologize once again for believing in the rumours. Next time if i have any queries, i shall direct them directly to u.

And to the people out there....cheeers to FRIENDSHIP!

No people i dont have TB.

I slept at 5 plus in the morning cause i studied better in the wee hours of the morning.

But then a few hours into my sleep i was awaken by my Hp.

2 MMS received.

From dad.

He got to take pictures with Taufik Batisah yang sungguh kacak dan manis.( No pak cik,  i didnt taste him but i just find him sweet hor... u noe wat i mean).

My dad works at the airport so he kinda meet lots of stars this year, eg my fav band Helloween, Alicia Keys, Ming Dao and Shao wei, the wonder girls and now Taufik ... syioknyer..

Now i haver to go back to sastera.

Focus Ning!!!!

Exam is tomoro!!!

Arrrrrghhhhh i cancelled all plans because my mum complain she werent feeling well.

Now when my step daddy dah balik, she siap siap nak pi rewang kat rumah sedara.

when i told her not to, she said she was feeling better...

Can u imagine how pissed i got!!!

ARRRRRRHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Raabi Zidnii Ilman Warzuqnii Fahmaa

Ya Allah tambahkanlah ilmu dan berilah faham dan pengertian yang baik.

I have to sit for Linguistiks Exam in like 4 Hours time.

Im worried.

Im scared.

Im nervous.

To my fello batch mates, All the best yar.

Gambatte!!

The cardiac muscles or better known as the Heart is actually a very fragile organ. Often overworked and overused. It gets tired but it stills pump till the very last breath.

Sometimes i wonder, why people associate LOVE with a heart. If really love is that great but why does it end in a heartbreak. Why doesnt it perservere and work as hard as the heart.

Not that im heartbroken or what. Its just that sometimes when i reflect on the past, i often asked myself, why did i chose to fall in love? Why did i make a decision to be in love? Why do i chose him to be in love to?

No dont worry. Fret not. I never regret making the decisions that i made, though at times i wished i have thought further. But without making those decisions, i wont be where i am today.

Sometimes when i pray, i always asked Allah SWT, “why do people still hate when the word love exist?” i never got an answer. Maybe one day he will show me the true meaning of LOVE.

Why this sudden entry?

As most of you know, my mum is admitted to the hospital for heart problems. So while tending to her she asked me some questions that i actually dont wanna face.

Kakak menyesal berhenti jadi nurse, coz ibu tengok kakak macam suker ajer dtg TTSH?

Do you think you will be happy being a teacher?

Kalau satu hari ibu tak ada, kakak masih nak jaga daddy( step dad) tak?

Kalau satu hari ibu tak ada, how will you describe me to your children?

Biler agaknya kakak nak show me your bf?

Kakak rasa ibu sempat tengok kakak kawin and have children?

Will you return to your real dad once im gone?

Kakak sayang ibu?

Being the sensitive me, of course i cried like mad and answered her  “ibu ni mengarut arh .. tanya soalan merepek... tak tahu lah ...”

Her reply was so simple “ just use your heart dear and find the answers”

Well apparently my heart besides its biological function has no room for other jobs.

Why the heart? I really feel that following the heart shd not be meant for this. BUT then i search the answers everywhere but to no avail. Friends and family do nasihat but then i still couldnt read to it.

I guess ... i have to continue praying so that the questions will be answered. Not based on my heart’s desire... but the faith i put in Allah SWT. I believe when its the right time, everything will fall into place...

Amin.

My mum's admitted to TTSH

I shall spare u the details

but

i am so stressed

Though i take the news well

i am still damn worried

she wont allow me to visit her coz she wanted me to study at home for linguistics assessment tmr.

So that means right after school

i will head to TTSH

so fo now

Ning STRESS giler!!

I believe sometimes whatever people say

shd just masuk telinga kiri and keluar telinga kanan

we cant stop people from talking

nor

can we stop our heart from hurting.

Just let it be.

Eventually people will stop when they are tired.

dearest families and friends,

as of monday which is on the 20th of October,

I will stop using my number.

98243767 wont be of use anymore on monday.

So if you have not received my sms on the new number,

do tell me aite.

i will then update u.

:)

Syukur Ahmdullilah everything this week went ok at the end of the week.

It was a terribly busy week that left me with little sleep and lots of tension.

My aunts family is staying with me for the time being while waiting for their new home. So one of my cuzzins is sleeping with me. Well quite tough at first coz i'm a very private person. And bedroom is very personal to me but hey, orang ngah susah ... so i shd learn to adapt.

Anyway last Sunday bestie got engaged....lol... hope ia berkekalan hingga ker akhir hayat. Well she didnt allow me to publish her pics yet.. but insya Allah she will eh ... boleh eh...ct?

Monday had to spent most of my time doing my research on linguistics. Not fun at all coz it left me with a lot of ????.

Tuesday was spent finalizing it. Managed only to get abt 3 hours of sleep before.

Wednesday off i went to school in baju kurung. Not just me ...the whole cohort fif. We had a small raya celebration. That was after linguistics presentation yang not YET finished. I guess next mon have to stay back after school. Shucks!

this is my tutorial grp. Fun, interactive and kecoz.

This are the ladies in my class. Too bad Baya, Mel and Hiza werent there.

My fav gerls in my tut grp.

The ladies in Black. I like.

FBI ( Farhan bin Ibrahim ). My e-book partner. No we werent fighting like the picture says so. Well not yet. HAHA.

K we stayed up for sastera till late at night seh. It was the first time ever i stayed up till late in NIE. Not fun!

Thursday, well i had sastera presentation before which i didnt even sleep the night b4. So u can imagine how zombified i looked like. We finallize thig about 5 mins before we presented. But all when well. Syukur alhamdullilah.

Friday was tiring but fun, about 14 of us went raya-ing. Sewa mini bus seh. But all was fun and good.

Group pic.

Star of the show. Haris Adam.

Well thats the short update. Next week gonna be a busy week again. Insya Allah I will be ok!

ps// dear berries, i'm sorry i couldnt come today. Had so many things to do and i werent well today. Im so sorry.

i'm still doing my sastera ...damn....

cannot take it anymore...

i need berries...

i need my kakaks...

i need my dad...

and i need my family...

i'm so tired...

i also need him...can....??

Welll its gonna be a super duper fast and qucik entry...

Got to start DSD soon coz i am so rushing for time

1st) My Cuzzin will be tumpang-ing my house for a month plus before she moves in her new house. So its chaos.. my house in huge mess...

2nd) @ 1 am in the morning bestie called me .. called for help... rushed to her place in a cab ....she was preparing her gubahan..maklumlah nak tunang besok lol... managed to clear so stuff..its not that she asked me to do .. she do most of the stuffs on her own she just need someone to help her sort out wat to do first and so on... lol... pak mat drop by to kepo-kepo....managed to get kak pia's kain and some flowers for pak mat's side at marsiling.

3rd) i need to get on with my baking before going to bukit panjang to collect something from tinis's aunt (shhhhhh)...

4th) i need to clear a lil corner in my closet for cuzzin stuffs.

So basically it will be a tiring weekend but fun giler i hope...

And Shidah...kau confirm wear pink? aiyo aper kata ko pakai the black top u wore for dcz presentation he he and i will wear black too.. kita belot.. kita join pak mat nyer team... amacam.....( Salwa is gonna behead me for sure..lol)

see ya later ppl...

chop chop ning... move it!!

Lets just say...

I feel like crying

yeah

i'll cry today

but I'll be ok tmr

no one to blame :(

can i blame my hormones?

Sedangkan nabi ampunkan umat apatah lagi manusia biasa seperti Ning

Sometimes in life, we met with people who will love us, hate us, hurt us and care for us.

But what if the person you met does all the above for you?

The decision i made was final.

I forgave him from the bottom of my heart and even remained as good friends with him.

But like i have said before " buat baik berpada-pada buat jahat jangan sekali"... The mistakes haunt him for the rest of his life. He knew that he had hurt me more than once. He knew he have asked for forgiveness so many many times. But he also knows, his guilt stayed through years.

Today he came for hari raya with his family, mind you. I wasnt informed. But of course i welcome him and his family. But my mum werent that friendly but of courtesy and because i begged her not to create chaos, she managed to carve a smil.

It was very awkward esp when he ask forgiveness from my mum.

My dear mother replied " Ni nak mintak maaf  ngan ibu ker dengan Ning".

Everyone was lost for words. All he could afford was tears. I felt so torn.

Torn because i have forgiven him and accepted him as my fren but also because my mum hated him for the pain he have inflicted on me.

What was i supposed to do?

Then i tried to put myself in my mums shoes and asked my self " would you forgive this person easily if it was your own daughter that was hurt and left to suffer till she become something like kalis cinta". I guess not.

So how?

What am i supposed to feel?

All i could do is pray for everyones well being and safety. But still it didnt felt good.

Assalammualaikum semua,

Ning ingin memohon ampun dan maaf sekiranya terkasar bahasa atau telah terlanjur bicara, almaklumlah kekadang tu tak sedar bila kata-kata yang menyinggung perasaan diucapkan. Dan juga kalau ada yang tak dapat menerima gurau senda yang 'OVER' ker atau teguran yang datang secara mendadak, im trully sorry aite.

Semoga semua yang membaca dapat meraihkan Aidilfitri dengan ceria disamping orang-orang tersayang.

Pada yang telah kehilangan ahli keluarga atau pun sahabat handai, harap tabah menempuhi bulan Syawal yang mulia ini.

Semoga ceria dan happy-happy selalu.

Kepada bapak ku yang tercinta,

Maaf sekali lagi kerana tak dapat menyambut hari raya petama ye bersama baopak sekeluarga. I will see you tmr aite.

Aiyoh ...... sometimes i think i forgot how to love someone....but then i cant deny the tiny tiny feelings of attraction for him....i feel shy seh just thinking about him... and this left me confused... haizzzzz im so longing for someone to manjakan me... how  eh lina?? i so want @#$%^&%( shhhhhh ) badly .. nak jugak nak jugak nak jugak........

Hafriz!

I have had more than enough.

You simply disgust me.

Your pathetic-ness is way beyond repair.

Today’s incident clearly proves how low you can get. I never thought you would judge me in a way that no one has ever judged me before.

Thumbs up for being able to acerbate me.  I am not obliged in any way to address the discontentment issues that you have.

My repudiation has embittered you sadly.

You and that imbecile friend of yours need to grow up.

Talking to your friend is mortifying.  His brazenness made me hang up on him. And his spitefulness has indeed proved that he is just like you; lamentable, piteous and doleful. I am not flabbergasted or in flagrante delicto with the twisted facts he shared with you because I know what I have or have not done.

I am not going to absolve, exonerate nor exculpate my actions to you because you are nothing to me. Your rancorousness comes from your own lack of candour.

I am irked by your comments and left miffed at your faux pas.

You are in no position to judge me because you don’t even know me in the first place. You are not my friend, not even an acquaintance.

Your accusations have led me to comprehend that a guy, oops sorry... a boy like you just need to grow up and stop putting the kibosh on someone’s life.

Now dear readers who read my blog,

don’t you think I have every right to abhor and abominate someone like him? I have had enough. So I broach you to put a full stop to everything.

Understand?

 Do you need me to put it in simple English?

Or do you need me to repeat that in Malay?

Take a pick!

I told you before; I can be a B!@#h if I want to but I’m not going to waste my time on someone like you.

What is it that i actually feel?

My heart beats faster when he is around.

I feel intimidated when i meet him.

I cant seem to continue what i wanted to say, when he interupted.

My cheeks flushed red when he nod and smile.

I dreamt about him so many time that i lost count of it

I liked it when he called me by a certain name..

He seemed so near yet so far,,,

May be its just me....

in my own dream world,,,

Haizz

First of all Ning amat bersyukur kerana i get thru this week despite the terrible datelines multiple news.

First up 15 September, It was my eye candy's birthday. He turned 25. Happy Birthday dear, Ning doakan semoga berjaya in everything that you do... will catch up with u soon..aites..im very busy with sch n u r very busy with trainings so ...we will make do with the time we have k..

On the same day, it was Amilin's birthday, Ning doakan u sentiasa bahagia dan sihat ...

While Fairuz having class, me n Nurul stayed in the library till late..Nurul managed to clear her DED essay while i manage to clear my DCZ journals....5 entries to be precised.

But we had a sumptuous break fast.... sedap giler at our fav outlet.

Pada hari yang sama, Ning dimaklumkan dengan pemergian seorang ibu kepada salah seorang classmate di NIE. Semoga Mahirah tabah melalui masa yang perit ini.

16th September, Ning fell sick again. Well actually i never had a good chance to recover from abt 3 weeks ago. Time is so constraint, work is piling and many more. Had to take mc again. So i missed DLK class, thank god, Sharifah n kiki manage the presentation well.

17th September...i was so stressed with DED presentation, otak sakit and kepala pusing. But syukur alhamdullilah everything went well. On that day too i had to rush for my sastera presentation that was due on thursday.

At home, i managed collating the stuffs before handing it to Nadia for final vetting.

I managed finalized my DCZ entries before submission the next day.

Maybe i was avoiding the issue, but since aku ni bukan lah kejam sangat kan. So i decided to wish him thru sms.. yes people it was his birthday...

18 September, came in class late for the very first time in my life....lol i have always been a punctual girl. But coz i got to print the assignments in sch...i termasuk lambat.

Then in UID level 3.. we sat ard practicing wat to say for sastera later that day. Before heading to class early to set up our stuff. While waiting ... me n some of the girls managed to sing and dance some hari rya songs... Maklumlah screen besar, sound system gerek.... so why not on you tube kan....

Biasalah...kecoh n so funny.... Ali came in the class dancing ...so did Dr Mana.....When all ends.

Fairuz and me accompany Nurul for her foot reflexology. Before heading to the coffee shop to buy lots of food for buka  puasa at home.

Today 19 September, i finally get to wake up late...as in very late... before i watch my japanese version of Hanakimi non stop...he he

Now, i am reading my book for assignment....titled Tenggelamnya kapal Vanderwich by Hamka for my sastera essay... Hopefullyt it would turn out fine...

Just when i thought everything is going to be okay...i just realize.... that i have one linguistic individual assignment, one linguistic presentation, one item analysis group work, one item analysis individual work, i have one dcz individual assignment and a micro teaching. I have one more sastera presentation on hang tuah and one sastera essay due. I have weekly slides for Comms skills, one written test and one oral test for it too.

Basically im screwed.

The only thing that i looked foward to is to celebrate Tini's Birthday, a visit to rumah org tua-tua or rumah anak-anak yatim and also 17 September...nak pi jalan raya dengan 15 org ...kakaka...nak sewa van lak tu... he he excited nyer...meh ikut sini ....

Haizz for now let me enjoy my week break ... book me soon k... i need my berries ....n i need Vai to update me on the Bangkok trip....lol... tak sabar aku...

Today i sent my dear brother who i adress affectionately as abang to the airport

He is going to Vietnam for exchange studies

Im so gonna miss him

One funny incident happen though

He forgot that his classmates were around

Dengan beraninya dia kiss kakak dier yang cute ni on the cheeks..

but

when he realise his surroundings

all he could do was brush me away and blush...

haizzz comelnyer adik ku yang tersayang...